Simply VERBALIZING your GOALS tricks your mind into thinking they're ACCOMPLISHED!? Changing my major last year, blogging and sharing about goals I have to get there, I have found it a good breather, but am now striving to put it to practice. Talk is cheap and too often do I plan a routine more than doing it. On the radio someone said that sharing that you are going to say skydive once in your life or any goals tricks your brain into thinking you already did them, but I never really believed it until it actually occured to me and I read an article about it. From the gathered responses of friends I have heard some interesting points. My roommate said when she has a goal she does not share it with anyone until it is finished if at all or unless it is brought up in a conversation. Many of my friends agree as do I that it is good to set goals; whether mentally, written down or verbally. Accountability partners, whether friend, teacher, or simply someone you look up to can be very useful in these situations. As some have mentioned this article may not apply to goals specifically, but rather dreaming about the future, ideas, or dreams, but isn't that where goals come from; however I do agree that it is not healthy to stay in the dream state and not set any goals. When you set goals you create a challenge for yourself. Carrying out the goal depends on how motivated you are to do it. So quit the chatting and get to doing it. Yes it's good to ask for prayer, but sometimes answers come in doing. And if you're like me don't worry about looking at every option to attack the goal correctly. Sometimes it's just trial and error. As I have said in other blogs: sometimes mistakes are our way of getting where we want and we can't do more than our best. Maybe doing things as they come to mind instead of simply talking about them. What about proper preparation before I say I will do something such as sharing my testimony and just winging it even if I feel unprepared. I know having accountability partners helps, but it's up to me to actually do it right? Maybe that's why people say talk is cheap...
What do you think? I would love some thoughts and opinions...
Other resources:
https://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Living Inside Out!!
Introduction
There are a lot of people who are still talking about the movie Inside Out!! I had the chance to see it when it came out in theaters and was inspired to write this amazing blog about how the we all needs to gain a better understanding of how to expresses themselves or use their emotions appropriately. This being said I apologize as I let time get the better of me. Through the courses I have been taking at school as well as the course of my years as an adult, I have come to realize a few things: There is a time and place for everything (see Eccl. 3) discussing my fears or emotions is one thing, while conquering them is another. It may seem obvious when you put it in such plain words, but as much as I thought I knew this I guess I thought writing about it was how I could deal with it. While writing about what I am going through may inspire me to change or help me come up with ideas to do so, but it will not necessarily solve the problem unless I allow it to.
There are a lot of people who are still talking about the movie Inside Out!! I had the chance to see it when it came out in theaters and was inspired to write this amazing blog about how the we all needs to gain a better understanding of how to expresses themselves or use their emotions appropriately. This being said I apologize as I let time get the better of me. Through the courses I have been taking at school as well as the course of my years as an adult, I have come to realize a few things: There is a time and place for everything (see Eccl. 3) discussing my fears or emotions is one thing, while conquering them is another. It may seem obvious when you put it in such plain words, but as much as I thought I knew this I guess I thought writing about it was how I could deal with it. While writing about what I am going through may inspire me to change or help me come up with ideas to do so, but it will not necessarily solve the problem unless I allow it to.
Living Inside Out!!
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
Titus 3:9-10
9 Do not argue with people about foolish questions and about the Law. Do not spend time talking about all of your early fathers. This does not help anyone and it is of no use. 10 Talk once or twice to a person who tries to divide people into groups against each other. If he does not stop, have nothing to do with him.
There was a time in life where I unknowingly was believing a lie or only half of the truth: "If God's got everything in control then life's great. What reason do we have to complain?" Often people (myself included) think that those who complain are annoying. They judge them for what they see on the surface rather than ask if they are ok or simply come down to earth and just listen. Within the last year I have found for me it is easier to process or think through problems externally. Now I may not want to, but if not, I will bottle it up. Instead I should leave the cap loose if not off, so as to not later burst all at once. Now, I am not saying we should complain all the time, but it's ok to cry every now and then and learn how to express yourself appropriately. Take the movie "Inside Out" for example. The whole movie was built around the fact that the little girl was doing all she could not to cry, when in the end crying was a way to release all the unnecessary tension in her body. Now I do not cry as often as I should. It is as if I feel there is usually something wrong with me if I am. There are also times when it is best to talk or simply vent with someone and there are times you just need to cry and that is ok. So look at it this way. The next time someone pisses you off there may be something going on under the surface. This is not always the case and they may not even want to talk about it; however, instead of jumping to conclusions, stop and say maybe they are hurting. Even if they are not, what good is it to add fire to the fire. Put it out with water instead and try to fight heat with kindness. Life is easy. People make it difficult.
In the pilot of Friday Night Lights, Coach Taylor says, "Every man at some point in his life is gonna lose a battle. But what makes him a man is that in the midst of the battle, he does not lose himself." It is just like the saying, it's not the mistake, but how you deal with it. From the world’s perspective, how we deal with life is often determined by our emotional state; however, it doesn't have to be. It all comes down to finding the appropriate use for our emotions. As stated before in "Inside Out" she finally gave in at the end and used sadness to express herself when she had no other option. Have you ever seen the commercials for allergy medicine where the picture starts off fuzzy and then later the fog is lifted? Now, when I say God has everything in control it has a deeper meaning. I don’t just brush it off and say everything is ok. I do my best to stop, pray, and think about what I should do in the midst of my everyday life. It was as if I was looking through a cloud and all of a sudden it was just lifted and the colors around me were heightened and I saw everything anew. I try to think more positively or if I get stuck in the mud ask God to provide a way out of it. Sometimes we all need to cry or step out of our comfort zone to heal. Sometimes he will do it on his own or through others, while other times the answer to prayer comes through actions. It's not always easy to express yourself and society's expectations don't make it any easier, so rid yourself from any preconceived ideas or intentions of how to go about it and just try it. You will never really know until you do. As we see in the scriptures it says to cast your cares and concerns upon the Lord. There are many ways of expressing yourself. Just because you are using something someone else wrote does not make you weak, it's still your voice so let it be heard.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Fail or Success
In order to move on to my future, it has become necessary to look at my past. There are times I dwell in my past and have not been able to see any hope in my future, but with one step at a time, I am getting closer to a goal for a much happier and brighter future. Not living in the past or dwelling on it, but remembering the past and learning from it, so as to better live in the present for a better future. I find it interesting that often "The enemy fights the hardest when he knows God has something good in store." I love how it is best put in Season 3 of the TV show Nikita—The Guardian: “…to think about her future…she needs to be completely clear-eyed about her past. After all, we can’t know where we’re going until we know where we came from. It’s not an easy journey, it can be painful, arduous, but if we have the courage to face the truth it can lead to the right path…[sometimes we just need] clarity. Our minds can be unreliable narrators. You may think you know with absolute certainty what’s in your past and then you find out you don’t know the past at all.” I have been through a lot
The best thing anyone could say to me is you're not going to make it as a singer, you can't sing. Many leaders were told of their insignificance. Take Moses for example, he was convinced he had a speech problem when in the end it turned out he was just scared and didn't see it until he tried. Albert Einstein was thought to be mentally handicapped and anti-social because he did not speak until later in life, but became to be a great scientist. Plus if you ask me it's better to listen more than speak and I think he said something about that. No in all seriousness telling me I couldn't sing was what pushed me to realize I wasn't living up to my fullest potential and ever since I began to see I never really pushed myself when it came to the I don't really care to do. Like for instance, I am now in a Jazz class and I realized I am having a lot of fun with finding freedom in my voice and I should just let go and not care what I sound like. Isn't that true with life as well, live, learn, and grow? That year I found myself looking at other areas in life and putting more effort to learn from my mistakes. Sometimes it takes a mistake to learn what we shouldn't do or don't want. It was as if God was asking me if I was born walking and talking. Well, when you think about it we have been learning from our mistakes since birth, we needed to fall before we walked correctly and mess-up our speech before we could form words. I like how Eric from Friday Night Lights puts it, "Every man at some point in his life is gonna lose a battle. He's gonna fight and he's gonna lose, but what makes him a man is that in the midst of that battle, he does not lose himself." In other words, it's not what we go through, but how we respond to it. I hope to one day I learn to carry the freedom I learn in Jazz to all the music and in life as well. As I said once before true freedom is when we are comfortable with vulnerability. That way I can learn to give my all through all I seek out in honor and reverence of the Lord. For as it states in 2 Corinthians 10:17 "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." Now I am not saying life is all about the achievements in life; however, it is often full of surprise and sometimes we need to work around them with what we have. A lot of times we go through struggles that may bring us down, but it should only move us to push harder from another direction. Now the teacher I had the conversation with may not like my answer, but there are plenty of times teachers have said this and I seek to do this, but only on a momentary standard, so it's about time I made a change and learn my lesson. This being said don't let anyone convince you that you can't do something until you try. Hard may not be easy, but it's not impossible. For it's only as hard as you make it, so why not make it fun and as enjoyable as you can.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Confession
1 Corinthians 6:12-13, 19-20 (New Living Version)
“ I am allowed to do all things, but not everything is good for me to do! Even if I am free to do all things, I will not do them if I think it would be hard for me to stop when I know I should...The body was not meant for sex sins. It was meant to work for the Lord. The Lord is for our body..." Do you not know that your bodies are a part of Christ Himself? Am I to take part of Christ and make it a part of a woman who sells the use of her body? No! Never Do you not know that a man who joins himself to a woman who sells the use of her body becomes a part of her? The Holy writings say, 'The two will become one.'...Do you not know that your body is a house of God [other versions say temple] where the Holy Spirit lives? God gave you His holy Spirit. Now you belong to God. You do not belong to yourself. God bought you with a great price. So honor God with your body. You belong to Him."
Luke 9:23(NIV)
“Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
Confession relationships have not always been my strong suit. Yes I'm great at building friendships, but what I am referring to is a relationship with the opposite sex. In my family, my age group is the next to get married, so it is a topic I have been thinking about a lot lately. I've only been in one relationship, but it did not end well.
My first year of College I saw a great spiritual need, but not many outlets to offer help. I was ministering to others so much there were times I forgot to take care of myself and was drawn into the attention I was receiving from guys. At first it was simply conversational, but then lead to a friendship and it was not until it was too late that I realized I had a problem. I thought I was putting the needs of the other first. I had the right intentions, but let my emotions get the better of me. I looked to man instead of God. As Mike Donehey puts it, "When I realize I don't want that thing
[, but] it's really the one who made that thing [or person] that's the one my soul longs for I can trust Christ [with my life]."
OK, so let me start off by saying too many people in society portray the wrong idea of a relationship and it is almost nauseating. Too often do I see people rushing into a relationship without getting to know the person. In a discussion in one of my classes a student said people questioned why her and her fiance had not lived together before they got engaged or even talked about marriage. What happened to getting to know one another? As we see 1 Corinthians 6:16, "a man who joins himself to a woman...becomes a part of her." Science calls it a releases of oxytocin and vasopressin creating a strong bond between one another lasting regardless if they want it or not. The release of these hormones are often believed to be the reason some people stay in an abusive relationship. Knowing this is it really worth pushing the limits in a dating relationship when you are not sure will last? I love the way singer/songwriter Tyler Ward put it, "You're never going to find the right person until you are the right person." This being said we don't know what we have to offer or sometimes even what we want until we know ourselves.
Marriage is more than a simple companionship. It is a relationship with one another designed to glory God by showing the full image of Christ. If dating is practice for marriage, how can we know our role if we don't know who we are in Christ? I love how the movie Not Easily Broken ends, "God didn't make me to be a husband [wife], coach, or daddy [mommy]. These are just titles not who we are as men [women]. But I guess, sometimes he has to let life turn you upside-down so you can learn how to live right side up". To be honest for the longest time I always thought I was a Tomboy or one of the so called, "tough girls". It's not so much that I liked to hang around guys. In fact I avoided guys until my Junior year of High School. It was as if I saw them to be "fairly useless and unhelpful" as Courtney Reissig says in her book, Accidental Feminist. I was also afraid of doing anything girly as if it would make me seem weak. Culture has many stereotypes on the roles men and women play in both the world and home. It doesn't make any girl/guy less or more of a girl/guy if you do or don't do the things every girl/guy does. As long as you are being yourself and are not afraid of who you are that's all that matters. So don't hold back just be yourself no matter what others think. If someone doesn't like it that's their problem. Besides all that really matters is what God thinks of you right?
I didn't know what true love was until I knew who I was in Christ or what I really wanted. I sought after affection and comfort from others to fill what only God could. Then coming from a broken relationship I believed a lie that the broken relationship was all I knew; that I couldn't love and wondered if I ever did. I began to learn that as C.S. Lewis puts it, "humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." I've had a rough start and I don't know about you, but I want to start new, to save myself for someone special and I'd go as far to say till marriage. I have no problem with falling in love with my best friend and wouldn't mind if he loved God more than me. There is more to a relationship than the physical and sometimes all it takes is to really get to know yourself before you know what you have to offer or even what you want. So who are you really and are you believing a lie keeping you from seeing the real you, (who God made you to be) and how does that affect your relationships?
Sources:
I Suck, You Suck, Let's Date! Tyler Ward
Sex Tips (my hope for young women) Tyler Ward:
Where Life Will Never Die Mike Donehey
Beloved: The Last Supper - Mike Donehey
Other Resources:
Why It's so Important to Marry a Godly Man!!
Don't Settle When You're Dating Jefferson Bethke:
Marriage is more than a simple companionship. It is a relationship with one another designed to glory God by showing the full image of Christ. If dating is practice for marriage, how can we know our role if we don't know who we are in Christ? I love how the movie Not Easily Broken ends, "God didn't make me to be a husband [wife], coach, or daddy [mommy]. These are just titles not who we are as men [women]. But I guess, sometimes he has to let life turn you upside-down so you can learn how to live right side up". To be honest for the longest time I always thought I was a Tomboy or one of the so called, "tough girls". It's not so much that I liked to hang around guys. In fact I avoided guys until my Junior year of High School. It was as if I saw them to be "fairly useless and unhelpful" as Courtney Reissig says in her book, Accidental Feminist. I was also afraid of doing anything girly as if it would make me seem weak. Culture has many stereotypes on the roles men and women play in both the world and home. It doesn't make any girl/guy less or more of a girl/guy if you do or don't do the things every girl/guy does. As long as you are being yourself and are not afraid of who you are that's all that matters. So don't hold back just be yourself no matter what others think. If someone doesn't like it that's their problem. Besides all that really matters is what God thinks of you right?
I didn't know what true love was until I knew who I was in Christ or what I really wanted. I sought after affection and comfort from others to fill what only God could. Then coming from a broken relationship I believed a lie that the broken relationship was all I knew; that I couldn't love and wondered if I ever did. I began to learn that as C.S. Lewis puts it, "humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." I've had a rough start and I don't know about you, but I want to start new, to save myself for someone special and I'd go as far to say till marriage. I have no problem with falling in love with my best friend and wouldn't mind if he loved God more than me. There is more to a relationship than the physical and sometimes all it takes is to really get to know yourself before you know what you have to offer or even what you want. So who are you really and are you believing a lie keeping you from seeing the real you, (who God made you to be) and how does that affect your relationships?
Sources:
I Suck, You Suck, Let's Date! Tyler Ward
Sex Tips (my hope for young women) Tyler Ward:
Where Life Will Never Die Mike Donehey
Beloved: The Last Supper - Mike Donehey
Other Resources:
Why It's so Important to Marry a Godly Man!!
Don't Settle When You're Dating Jefferson Bethke:
Monday, April 13, 2015
Fear God or Man
Romans 8:31-39
“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
We are to fear God not man. We should not be afraid of God, but we should fear Him in reverence to who he is as Job learned to do. Fear can promote humility with the appropriate response!! Don't get me wrong, fear is not of God; however overcoming fear is not accomplished without humility. Too often are we clouded by pride. When we fear we feel vulnerable and vulnerability reminds us of our mistakes. Overcoming our fears allow us to Trust God and fear him rather than man.
“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
We are to fear God not man. We should not be afraid of God, but we should fear Him in reverence to who he is as Job learned to do. Fear can promote humility with the appropriate response!! Don't get me wrong, fear is not of God; however overcoming fear is not accomplished without humility. Too often are we clouded by pride. When we fear we feel vulnerable and vulnerability reminds us of our mistakes. Overcoming our fears allow us to Trust God and fear him rather than man.
True freedom comes when you're not afraid of vulnerability. Then and only then can you fully surrender; giving God full authority.
What if we look at fear as a reminder we are not perfect and overcoming it as a way to step out of pride? Satan can not create, but only use or twist what is already there, so hidden behind every lie is a truth (Read Screw-tape Letters by CS Lewis). If fear is not of God, then it is a twisted or false form of what is true. So is Fear a lie? Identifying our fear allows us to look at our mistakes and turn it around. Once identified, we see what lie we were believing and have the option to change or learn. Without humility we cannot overcome fear. Overcoming fear produces humility and humility peace, which allowing us to experience the full depth of the Christ's love.
In the movie, Batman, the first thing he is told to do in his training is to rid himself of all his fears. In fact he gives himself a name from which he most fears, bats. This year I made a goal to overcome all my fears. First thought, I just didn't want anyone to have anything to use against me. While it’s not for everyone, for me it turned into a way to give of my all to God. I thought maybe I watch too much TV for no one was out to get me, but Why should I let any fear keep me from carrying out a plan God has for me? There are plenty of fears people have, but don't we really just fear ourselves? We are man as well and we are to fear God not man no? Hard is not impossible it is silly not easy. It is only as hard as you make it. When overcoming something when I try to fight it I find myself making up excuses. At church last Sunday my pastor pointed out that: often when we find excuses come easy is when God wants us to do something and just trust Him. When we step out of our comfort zone we become very vulnerable and the first thing that seems to be in check is our pride. Sweating blood before death on the cross, Christ may have been scared, but he was not reluctant to carry out God's will. Through this not only do I begin to find greater freedom with the Lord, but greater peace with myself as well.
When we become comfortable with vulnerability is when God can use us the most. We find hope when we cling to the knowledge that freedom comes after the fight. Or as it says in the scriptures, “The battle is already won”. Too often do I struggle with the fear of making a mistake, but how will we know unless we try. For the longest time I hated doing anything in front of anyone: singing, public speaking, even just speaking up in class or small groups I worried I would say something wrong and now look where I am. I began to see that many fears are based on a lack of good knowledge or understanding or bad/false experience. Remember as Job learned to Fear God not Man. Fear is a powerful tool. It can either bring you up reminding you to be humble or tear you down when you focus on your flaws. So which do you choose? Do u fear God or Man?
~Thanks
#Kalei #Blogs #Fear #Misunderstood
Sources Used:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZL2tAWcGj8&list=PLrq5kfc63lHdyJ7sHMNwKKqGXmMO4G-OA&index=2
Monday, March 2, 2015
Community
John 16:33 (ESV). "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation period but take heart semicolon I have overcome the world."
Genesis 1:26
“Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
Genesis 1:26
“Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
Hebrews 10:24-25(ESV)"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
We all live and learn. I could go on and on about all the pain I have been through; anger management as a young child, the suicidal death of a friend my sophomore year of High School, and about a year ago went to the funeral of a daughter I went to Highschool with and her mother. I have had my fair share of pain and it has not always been an easy road, but it has only made me stronger. Experience has taught me that it's not what you've been through, but how you respond and we were not meant to do it alone, but live in community. Looking back I would say that while hard may not be easy and neither is it impossible, in order to overcome the situation there are times others are needed for guidance. Yes, there are times we can do it ourselves and in no way should we be lazy, but there comes a point when you need to seek the counsel of others.
Striving to live up to my fullest potential not letting any fear stand in the way of God's calling has recently taught me patience and humility. The funny thing is I never really knew it was something I lacked, until I made it a goal to overcome all my fears. I have always told myself I could do better, try harder, or dream bigger, but never really followed through with it. We can do ALL things through Christ who gives [us] strength as seen in Philippians 4:13; however sometimes being able to do"all things" means seeking help from others and asking for help requires humility. We were all called to teach each other and come together with both our weaknesses and strengths as followers of Christ just as Mike points out. God is a triune God or a community; therefore, as the body of Christ we are as well and not an island!! I have always thought of myself as tough, but I have come to realize is sometimes it gets to me and I begin to put on layer after layer masking myself from the help I may very well need. Not really as to say I am perfect, but more a twisted version of the truth as I sometimes tell myself, "If I have God who else do I need?".
We all live and learn. I could go on and on about all the pain I have been through; anger management as a young child, the suicidal death of a friend my sophomore year of High School, and about a year ago went to the funeral of a daughter I went to Highschool with and her mother. I have had my fair share of pain and it has not always been an easy road, but it has only made me stronger. Experience has taught me that it's not what you've been through, but how you respond and we were not meant to do it alone, but live in community. Looking back I would say that while hard may not be easy and neither is it impossible, in order to overcome the situation there are times others are needed for guidance. Yes, there are times we can do it ourselves and in no way should we be lazy, but there comes a point when you need to seek the counsel of others.
Striving to live up to my fullest potential not letting any fear stand in the way of God's calling has recently taught me patience and humility. The funny thing is I never really knew it was something I lacked, until I made it a goal to overcome all my fears. I have always told myself I could do better, try harder, or dream bigger, but never really followed through with it. We can do ALL things through Christ who gives [us] strength as seen in Philippians 4:13; however sometimes being able to do"all things" means seeking help from others and asking for help requires humility. We were all called to teach each other and come together with both our weaknesses and strengths as followers of Christ just as Mike points out. God is a triune God or a community; therefore, as the body of Christ we are as well and not an island!! I have always thought of myself as tough, but I have come to realize is sometimes it gets to me and I begin to put on layer after layer masking myself from the help I may very well need. Not really as to say I am perfect, but more a twisted version of the truth as I sometimes tell myself, "If I have God who else do I need?".
As seen John 16:33 Christ overcame so that we could overcome and sometimes to get over the hills in life we need to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with telling myself I can overcome it with Christ; however instead of looking for ways to overcome I put layer after layer of excuses on why I don't have to deal
with it. I would even go as far to
say I am an overcomer with Christ and He has already taken or dealt with it for
me. While it is true, but that doesn't
mean I don't have face it. Thus being
one thing I feel that God has taught me is to embrace my true identity!! Quit
putting on a tough façade as if I have it all together. For I am just as human
as anyone else; no better, no worse and sometimes we need to ask for help or advice from our fellow believers. For we are all bound to make mistakes at least once in our lifetime. Instead or looking at them as mistakes try looking at them as areas of improvement with intention to do so; let your mistakes make you tough. Then you can
let my light shine without burning out the flame.
I
would love to hear some of your thoughts or opinions on this subject.
Please feel free to leave you comments and questions or any other
suggestions on topics you would like me to blog about!! I am open to
any suggestions and compliments as well as constructive criticism as I may turn these into a short video blog or book.
~Thanks
Monday, January 19, 2015
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Note: There are those who debate whether or not we are to forgive someone if they do not accept our forgiveness. For sometime I did not understand it until someone said, "blatantly forgiving someone who sinned against you, and they do not repent and accept it, is the same as accepting the sin to be ok." In other words forgiving someone is not accepting what they did, but rather that you are willing to forgive them are praying for them digitally. All this while being patient and not holding a grudge against them if they do not repent.
Romans 2:4
"Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?"
Matthew 5:43-47 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”
Note: There are those who debate whether or not we are to forgive someone if they do not accept our forgiveness. For sometime I did not understand it until someone said, "blatantly forgiving someone who sinned against you, and they do not repent and accept it, is the same as accepting the sin to be ok." In other words forgiving someone is not accepting what they did, but rather that you are willing to forgive them are praying for them digitally. All this while being patient and not holding a grudge against them if they do not repent.
Romans 2:4
"Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?"
Matthew 5:43-47 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”
Psalm 103: 12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
2 Timothy 2:4, 22-26 “No soldier
gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who
enlisted him…So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness,
faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a
knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by
him to do his will.”
“Blessed
is the one who receives vengeance upon their family and does not respond in vengeance!!” For as we see in Romans 4:2 it is the kindness of the Lord that brings us to repentance. In Matthew 5:43-47 we are told
to love our enemies, but what does that really mean? We hear forgive and forget all the time, but
do we really take into account what that looks like? I rarely hold
grudges; however the death of a mother and daughter due to vengeance has
caused me to question my thinking. I was surprised and a little humbled with the response the
family had in this situation. "...I would like to extend my
sincere thanks...We have almost felt in a physical sense God's hands reaching
out to us and holding us up in your faithful prayers. It truly has been a
humbling experience for us to have received such loving support and mere words
seem scarcely enough to express our thanks, but we want to give all the glory
to our God." Now it is not like I do not believe in the power of God, and honestly
am not sure what I expected, but just did not expect a family in that situation
to respond with such gratitude. For Christ traded his life for a murderer, Barabbas, who did not
even known who Christ was, but he did it anyway.
We may not always be able to forget, but that does not give us permission to hold a grudge against anyone. I looked up the word forgive in hopes of finding a connection between forgive and forget and all I got was "the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven." The old English was forgiefan or forgiefenes means to give, bestow, cause, deliver, grant, or inflict. It is almost like saying forgiveness is a gift or at least in the old English that is. So to forgive those who did you or your loved ones wrong is a gift someone bestows upon someone else. My point in all this is that the family who had this death was very humble and through help from others began to turn it around and pray for the person who attacked their family instead of returning it with vengeance. Now do not get me wrong, sure what they did may have been wrong, but why get caught up in it? We all make mistakes, so why let that determine how we treat ourselves or others? Christ took the place of Barabbas, a thug, and murderer, through death on the cross. Christ, Lord and man who came and lived a blameless life and died for a ruthless sinner, for all sinners past, present, and future by death on a cross. Now that is what I call true love. It may be hard and they may not even accept it, but in the long run forgiveness is more worth it than grief or vengeance.
We may not always be able to forget, but that does not give us permission to hold a grudge against anyone. I looked up the word forgive in hopes of finding a connection between forgive and forget and all I got was "the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven." The old English was forgiefan or forgiefenes means to give, bestow, cause, deliver, grant, or inflict. It is almost like saying forgiveness is a gift or at least in the old English that is. So to forgive those who did you or your loved ones wrong is a gift someone bestows upon someone else. My point in all this is that the family who had this death was very humble and through help from others began to turn it around and pray for the person who attacked their family instead of returning it with vengeance. Now do not get me wrong, sure what they did may have been wrong, but why get caught up in it? We all make mistakes, so why let that determine how we treat ourselves or others? Christ took the place of Barabbas, a thug, and murderer, through death on the cross. Christ, Lord and man who came and lived a blameless life and died for a ruthless sinner, for all sinners past, present, and future by death on a cross. Now that is what I call true love. It may be hard and they may not even accept it, but in the long run forgiveness is more worth it than grief or vengeance.
It is hard when you have to forgive someone who does
not understand or accept it. In that
case we have to realize we have done all we can and should not let it get to
us, feel guilty or blame ourselves where we are not to be blamed. When I sought answers for the death of my
first crush my sophomore year of high school I began blaming myself due to
situations prior to his death and in college after forgiving my ex I was left
with a since of guilt and ended up with a need to forgive myself. I am
not saying I was not at fault in either situation, but what good does it do to
blame myself. In some cases when we
forgive others we first have to forgive ourselves realizing we were just as at
fault as they were. My pastor always
says "choices have both good and bad consequences." or as I like to
say we are only subject to the choices we make. Instead of regret, the
best I can do is learn from the past to ensure a better future. There are
also family members that come to mind where I would say we have our differences.
Even though I strive to forgive, at times I let our differences get the better
of me. It may be easy to point fingers or prove them wrong, but what is
the point if it is not going to get anywhere? No one is perfect, so am I
any better? I love how Mike Donehey puts it: “God is not an elephant.”
Elephants have a good memory and rarely forget; however God
forgets. If God is not an elephant, why then should we be? We may not forget everything that was done,
but if we all make mistakes why hold it against them nor do I always agree with
them, but it
does not mean I should push them away all entirely.
As a
follower of Christ I do my best to forgive even if just to point to the
cross. For Christ forgave so His father could forget: Psalm 103:12 “He
has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west.” As
Christ said in Luke 23: “Father forgive them for they don’t know what
they do.” In 2
Timothy 2 Paul also says we ought to stand for peace and not argue for simply arguments
sake. Why
argue with something that will end in nothing when you could allow God to make
it into something more. It is one thing to listen and reply with humility
and kindness, but it is another to believe or stand for what they say or
believe. Just because you respect them as a person does not mean you have to believe it yourself. Does Christ not call us to
love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-47)? It
goes further on to say in Matthew 7:3 not
judging others when you have something to deal with yourself as well. In other words let us not be hypocrites, “for
those who judge will be judged. For what
good is it to talk about a wrong in the life of another, yet abide by the same
wrong yourself?
Yes there are times one may have to push people
away if or when it causes us to fall. In this regards however it doesn't
mean we should not point them in the right direction or to another if they come
to us seeking help. For what good is it to hate when they are now seeking
help? Mike Donehey once mentioned his youth pastor who said, "…Good
character is corrupted by bad company. No matter how good you are, you’ll
never be able to pull those bad people up to you, so it’s better if you just
leave them alone." Mike then concluded with: "when
I look at Jesus I don’t think Jesus was standing on a chair looking down on
people. In fact he was hanging out with whores and drunks…, so…get down
off your pedestal and down on your face and wash some feet…Then you won’t have
to worry about who’s corrupting who.” As stated earlier we may
not be able to forget, but we don't have to get caught up in it. With
this realization, respect may be a better word to relate to forgiveness.
Remember the father who lost a mother/wife and daughter/sister? I
loved what the father said in the bulletin at the funeral. "...I
would like to extend my sincere thanks...We have almost felt in a physical
sense God's hands reaching out to us and holding us up in your faithful
prayers. It truly has been a humbling experience for us to have received
such loving support and mere words seem scarcely enough to express our thanks,
but we want to give all the glory to our God." Not only has this
been a humbling experience for myself, but with a recent glimpse into my past
in order to look into my future I have been able to forgive myself in areas I
didn't realize I just put aside and needed to. Blessed is the one who
receives vengeance upon their family, yet still responds, "I forgive
you!!" That is what I call True Love. If God can forgive
us why then can we not forgive?
Blessings,
Kalei
I
would love to hear some of your thoughts or opinions on this subject.
Please feel free to leave you comments and questions or any other
suggestions on topics you would like me to blog about!! I am open to
any suggestions and compliments as well as constructive criticism.
~Thanks
~Thanks
Souces:
Jesus is Loving Barabbas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwX_EpNR4CA
God is not an Elephant Mike Donehey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-mNFhHafjM
The Chair Mike Donehey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4UDgKqY3EE
God is not an Elephant Mike Donehey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-mNFhHafjM
The Chair Mike Donehey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4UDgKqY3EE
Other Resources:
If We're Honest Francesca Battistelli: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDcTvtuuVU8
Forgiveness Matthew West
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9J6xOT3Ldw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9J6xOT3Ldw
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