Fail or Success

          In order to move on to my future, it has become necessary to look at my past.  There are times I dwell in my past and have not been able to see any hope in my future, but with one step at a time, I am getting closer to a goal for a much happier and brighter future.  Not living in the past or dwelling on it, but remembering the past and learning from it, so as to better live in the present for a better future.  I find it interesting that often "The enemy fights the hardest when he knows God has something good in store."  I love how it is best put in Season 3 of the TV show Nikita—The Guardian: “…to think about her future…she needs to be completely clear-eyed about her past.  After all, we can’t know where we’re going until we know where we came from.  It’s not an easy journey, it can be painful, arduous, but if we have the courage to face the truth it can lead to the right path…[sometimes we just need] clarity.  Our minds can be unreliable narrators.  You may think you know with absolute certainty what’s in your past and then you find out you don’t know the past at all.”  I have been through a lot   
         

The best thing anyone could say to me is you're not going to make it as a singer, you can't sing.  Many leaders were told of their insignificance.  Take Moses for example, he was convinced he had a speech problem when in the end it turned out he was just scared and didn't see it until he tried.  Albert Einstein was thought to be mentally handicapped and anti-social because he did not speak until later in life, but became to be a great scientist.  Plus if you ask me it's better to listen more than speak and I think he said something about that.  No in all seriousness telling me I couldn't sing was what pushed me to realize I wasn't living up to my fullest potential and ever since I began to see I never really pushed myself when it came to the I don't really care to do.  Like for instance, I am now in a Jazz class and I realized I am having a lot of fun with finding freedom in my voice and I should just let go and not care what I sound like.  Isn't that true with life as well, live, learn, and grow?  That year I found myself looking at other areas in life and putting more effort to learn from my mistakes.  Sometimes it takes a mistake to learn what we shouldn't do or don't want.  It was as if God was asking me if I was born walking and talking.  Well, when you think about it we have been learning from our mistakes since birth, we needed to fall before we walked correctly and mess-up our speech before we could form words.  I like how Eric from Friday Night Lights puts it, "Every man at some point in his life is gonna lose a battle.  He's gonna fight and he's gonna lose, but what makes him a man is that in the midst of that battle, he does not lose himself."  In other words, it's not what we go through, but how we respond to it.  I hope to one day I learn to carry the freedom I learn in Jazz to all the music and in life as well.  As I said once before true freedom is when we are comfortable with vulnerability.  That way I can learn to give my all through all I seek out in honor and reverence of the Lord.  For as it states in 2 Corinthians 10:17 "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."  Now I am not saying life is all about the achievements in life; however, it is often full of surprise and sometimes we need to work around them with what we have.  A lot of times we go through struggles that may bring us down, but it should only move us to push harder from another direction.  Now the teacher I had the conversation with may not like my answer, but there are plenty of times teachers have said this and I seek to do this, but only on a momentary standard, so it's about time I made a change and learn my lesson.  This being said don't let anyone convince you that you can't do something until you try.  Hard may not be easy, but it's not impossible.  For it's only as hard as you make it, so why not make it fun and as enjoyable as you can.